the warmth of my nanay

It has been 3 months now since I got my own place. I was so happy about it because finally i can now live in my own place, do whatever I want in my own place and live the way I want — in my own place. The first two months was bliss. I lived exactly live the way i imagined it. Going home late, waking up late, arrange things the way i wanted to. Until my mom started living with me.

Things have changed drastically. The first noticeable, and most frustrating, is when my mom put pink curtains all over my place. Though frantic, I didn’t let my mom notice me that I was disappointed about it. Next: my place started to get really messy — my 11-year old nephew is also living with me. His toys, shoes and every little thing are all over the place. I’m really starting to get furious. If that’s not enough, my older brother is a “seasonal tenant” in my place. He would occasional came over to my place, take a bath [!!!], eat whatever he can and then leave. And he has this ability to leave unnoticed! “This is it, my life is over!”. My dark-brown, soft couch is turned into a bed, my divider was turned into toy-box [do the math..], my often-dry bathroom is starting to stink. I am so mad. But I cannot complain about it. I don’t want to hurt my mom’s feeling. So I painfully just deal with it.

With these changes looked ugly for me; I barely noticed the good things about it. Like when I get home, my mom will always prepare some hot meal for me. Or when I woke up, she would ask me if want breakfast or coffee. Or she would remind me that my clothes has already been pressed. Also, i forgot how my brother would offer to bring me to my office with his tric even earning some money is too important for him. Or how my nephew would entertain me with his slapstick moves. Yeah, I barely noticed those.

And this morning, my mom woke me up–as usual–to have a breakfast. And I noticed that the “bachelors” ambience of my place was gone. It was replaced by something better. It was replaced by the warmth of my nanay.

God works

It was a usual office day. I woke up early, have my meal and fix things for work. I was wearing a white polo. For people who know me, I don’t usually wear a white polo. For me, white polo is very limiting. So I move with caution on my way to work. While on the jeep, the weather suddenly turned bad. The clouds became dark and rain started to pour. Crap! I’m in a white polo with NO UMBRELLA [I don't bring one anyway... hehe] “I’m gonna be soaking wet here” I told myself.

So I utter a simple, and foolish, “request” prayer. “God, please, make the rain stop”. And with that I was too confident that the rain will be over the minute I step out in the jeep. And I was dead wrong. The rain was still there and I still have no umbrella. So I ran to the nearest shade, which is a store. And my foolishness didn’t stop there “God, just this one, please pahintuin Nio na po” [I know, I'm being pig-headed]. Tough luck, it seems that the rain had blocked my prayers that He couldn’t hear me. Now I’m getting desperate. And a bit cranky too. Just when I thought that I’m gonna be spending the entire day on that store, somebody tapped my shoulder and said “Ser [the store owner], wala kang payong? heto hiramin mo, basta ibalik mo ha?”

I was blown away.
I mean this woman barely knows me. No, she doesn’t have the slightest idea who I am. But she was offering me an umbrella. I was thankful to the store owner. So I left the store with a promise of returning the umbrella later that afternoon.

But the story doesn’t end there. A few hundred meters away from my office, I’ve heard one of the passengers saying “Buti na lng umulan, kung hindi patay lahat ng mga pananim natin…”

From there I realized that God always try to answer our prayers. We’re just too pig-headed to wait for it.

~ as excerpt from my site
http://www.lifeatthethirdrow.com
thoughts section

Choices

Life is a multiple choice question with multiple answers. Some options are relatively easy while some are so blurred that you cant even tell the difference. Some options are dispensable. Some are worth the sacrifice.

If that isnt masochistic enough, life confuses us with gazillions of options. as if we are some ‘pawn’ in its gameboard that is always bounded for decisions. Life inconsiderately rush with time and we, us, absorbs the effect. And the ultimate payoff of life’s game can never be undone. These decisions that are thrown to us will be a molding factor, sometimes scars, to the very person that we will be. To the very life that we will have. To the very memories that we will remember. But i dont tend to be pessimistic with my thoughts. in fact i find it this idea very comforting.

Life has so many options. Right. But unseen to us, most of them are good ones. And when I say good ones, i really dont mean that its what we want. Most of the time its the exact antonym of it. And this where the “blurring” comes in. Life just provides us options, we are the one who’ll take it. we are really the one who blurs it. We are the one who take decisions so why blame something else in its consequences? Thats just a fair proposition, right?

So we are here. Standing in front of what life has to offer. And at our back is what we want. Voices whispers. Dictates. What to pick. And after all these realization, we are still what we are. A weak, pathetic being trying to convince ourselves that options are hard. We all know what to do. We all know what to choose. It just doesn’t fit with what we want.

 

~ as excerpt from my website
http://www.lifeatthethirdrow.com
thoughts section