It’s 2:03 in the morning and you’re still wide awake. You don’t feel anything. Literally. You don’t know if that’s a good thing. Maybe your mind is numbed from a recent past or from a routine that pushes you to get through the day. Or both.
You can finally do that stare. The stare that you’ve been avoiding forever. It’s a little victory, you can say. The stare doesn’t give you that feeling anymore. The feeling of drowning. The feeling of not being able to pull yourself back to reality. That vulnerable moment where anything could kill you. So you started to get scared. For a moment, you feel like you have no idea who you are. Everything is surreal. You can feel your ears endure a very high-pitched sound. Your arms are gone, only fingers. Your fingers are directly connected to you brain. Uttering every word it can to describe your confusion at this very moment.
You don’t bother. Not that there is to. The entire experience is new. Every strand of nothingness feels like an unfamiliar ground for you. It feels nothing yet it feels so new. New, maybe to your in denial mind that’s been attempting to hold it together. Your mind is at ease. For the first time, because of that stare, your mind cannot give you the right emotion to react. For the first time in weeks, your mind is blank. The blankness is your mind’s elusion to rest. A brief stasis.
Then a sharp sound coming from the corner of your screen shattered everything. You’ve snapped out from the stasis. So you quickly search for a feeling. Anything at all. But there is none. Now, conscious, you try to fathom what is happening to you. But you can’t. Because there is none. None anymore.
2:25 AM. You try to get some sleep…